I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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