please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
