she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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