I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
