..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
