i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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