Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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