Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
