Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
