be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
