loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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