i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
