There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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