I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
