Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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