I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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