We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
