the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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