listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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