Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
