Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize