It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
