There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
