the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
