On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
