Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Of course I have a pirate flag
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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