Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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