I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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