are you so shy because you have an std?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
