yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
