I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
