Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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