Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
