I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
