You can't motorboat a personality
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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