When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
