i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're like the curious george of whores
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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