Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
