Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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