call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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