I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
