Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
