at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
