Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
