Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
