i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
