Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
