Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
