At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I supernannyed him into submission
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
