the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
