So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
