I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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