I think my fart just growled at me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
