I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
