Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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