How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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