Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's paint friendship bongs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
