I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Even my vagina gasped.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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