its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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