Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize