I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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