I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
