She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
