i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize