my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We have started to decorate penises.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize