you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
