Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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