you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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