I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
