2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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