I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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